The Church of 80% Sincerity – a new book by David Roche

Perigee, $19.95
160 pages
ISBN 978-0-399-53390-7

A review by Lynne Murray

I can pinpoint the exact page on which I decided to join The Church of 80% Sincerity—page 8. I’ll explain in a minute.

Although I have never seen David Roche’s one-man show, reading his book gives a clear idea what an amazing motivational speaker he must be. He was born with a severe facial deformity and also bears the scars of many childhood operations to correct the conditions that caused it.

His presentations often begin in darkness and when the lights come up, he stands on the stage to let the audience confront the reality of the damaged face he sees in the mirror each day. He then invites everyone to join in together on a count of three to ask, “What happened to your face?”

This instantly shatters the taboo of not talking about “It” whatever It may be. By the time he has finished talking about his journey, sharing his battles and the everyday miracles of enjoying life, the audience begins to understand. A reader of The Church of 80% Sincerity also understands—that we all have some “It” in our lives that we fear to confront and accept.

Anne Lamott observed in her Foreword: “Everyone watching [David] gets happy because he’s secretly giving instruction on how this could happen for them, this militant self-acceptance. He lost...the good looking packaging, and the real parts endured.”

Explaining his Church of 80% Sincerity, David says, “You can be 80% sincere 100% of the time, or 100% sincere 80% of the time. It’s that 20% area where you get some slack and you can be yourself.”

It’s not the correct reviewer procedure, but you may have noticed that I’m referring to David by his first name although we have never met. His book invites the reader into his life. He describes his years of struggle with such candor and wit that the reader feels at home, existing for a small space in the circle of David’s kindness. There is a great deal to be learned from one who has turned his worst life obstacle into a vehicle for spreading positive energy.

David’s childhood was spent in a solidly supportive family and an accepting Catholic community. But the primary tool of coping he learned was denial. The message was that if you keep believing nothing is wrong, nothing will be wrong. This can help in creating the belief that a child can do anything, but the cost of ignoring bad experiences is high. We might wish that no one would inflict emotional pain on a child who is different in a way that frightens them. But wishing won’t protect a child from being hurt, and pretending it has not happened will not heal their wounds.

There were some parts of The Church of 80% Sincerity that were hard to read. I don’t think I will ever forget his description of receiving free medical care in exchange for being examined by medical students at a teaching hospital. The scene at the Hemangioma Clinic, with infants and small children with facial deformities waiting with their parents was heartrending. Who could not feel for these children, too young to be aware of what a hard road they will have to travel?

David records how he endured being silently measured and photographed, treated as a medical exhibit, and talked about as if he were not there. When unexpected anger welled up and he demanded to have his feelings heard, he was dismissed with an offer of a psychiatric referral.

The reader feels his victory when David explains how he used this painful experience 25 years later in the same hospital amphitheater, lecturing physicians on “Facial Disfigurement: The Patient’s Perspective.” With time has come wisdom, and sharing insight to foster more humanity in physicians.

So what did David say on page 8 that made me laugh and sent me to follow his journey toward that militant self-esteem? Actually it started on page 7 when he discussed affirmations, those phrases, part motto, part mantra:

When I was trying to learn self-esteem, I was supposed to stand in front of a mirror, look myself in the eye and repeat, “David, I love you. David, I, I …Aargh.”

I turned away because I realized I did not love myself. Luckily, by then I was a member of the Church of 80% Sincerity. We do things differently, more realistically. We don’t try to change to measure up to an ideal. Instead, we adjust the affirmation to fit ourselves. I can stand in front of the mirror, and I don’t even have to make eye contact. And I can say what I really think.

“David, you are a nice guy. You have a good sense of humor. I’m sorry, I just don’t love you. I guess I’m not ready to make a commitment at this time. Maybe we could just be friends?”

In the Church of 80% Sincerity, I’ve learned to be friends with myself and to grow into and through my perceived flaws.

David’s candor, resourcefulness and wit make his story fresh, endearing and enduring.

To purchase The Church of 80% Sincerity, please visit:
amazon.ca
amazon.com
chapters.indigo.ca
bn.com
powells.com

Lynne Murray is the critically-acclaimed author of the Josephine Fuller Mystery Series. She can be found online at http://www.maadwomen.com/lynnemurray.

David Roche is an award-winning inspirational humorist, motivational speaker and performer. The Church of 80% Sincerity is his first book. Meet David at http://www.davidroche.com